My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
