He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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