maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize