fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
