your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
