just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
