sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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