My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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