Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We are two peas in an std pod
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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