big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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