He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
