you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
