I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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