Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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