normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
