i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
