Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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