i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
