How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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