I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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