I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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