Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
