I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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