ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
