Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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