Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize