My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there was a trapeze. enough said
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
