we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
