The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
