Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
