new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
