i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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