i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
