Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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