its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize