No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
