hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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