it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
