Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
