Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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