R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
