You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
