ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
