aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
