Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
