Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
