guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize