3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
