do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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