all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
