Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
