Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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