i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
