There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
