her vagine was all disorganized.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
