Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
