OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
