I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
