i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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