go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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