Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
