As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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