the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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