i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
