I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
