Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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