I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
