If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
