I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
