My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can vaginas get frostbite?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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