You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
