I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
