Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
