and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
