please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
