around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My vagina just clenched in fear
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
