i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
