I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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