wrigley field is MILF paradise
I could have mohawked her pubes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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