I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
