Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
