just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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