New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
