Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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