Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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