they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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